Once upon a time in the not particularly magical land of Completely-Weird-on-Sea, Basil the Cylinder was sitting around doing nothing. ‘Oh dear,’ he thought, ‘this won’t make for a very interesting story.’ And so he decided to pay a visit to his old friend Harold the Hexagon who lived among the dunes of rubbish near […]
1. Always search for a match at least half your age. 2. Your profile picture is really all that matters. Always, always wear cycling clothes. Then get your bike out of the garage, go up the nearest hill, stick a fake French road sign behind you and take a selfie. This will tick two important boxes: […]
Regular readers may be delighted to learn that I have just been released from Plumstead Grove Open Prison, after serving three months for credit card fraud. I feel that the sentence was a little stiff, but I have had more than enough time to mend my ways and think carefully about how I am going […]
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You want someone to live with. You’re not picky. You just want them to be clean and kind and quiet and respectful, not smell of tuna or of petrol and sometimes leave chocolate on the table for everyone to share. It’s not that difficult. People are generally nice. But before you find the person who […]
If it’s not Half an Orange, it’s not Half an Orange.
Why Half an Orange?
From: Jackson Snead To: Cover Girl Cosmetics Subject: Cover Guy Dear Cover Girls, The other day I heard Queen Latifah pitching your lipstick on TV saying how you could “send your lips to paradise.“ It kind of worked on me over a few days and I found myself wondering what that might feel like. So the other […]